Lahori London – A Blog Four Years Pending – Sara I.

I had stopped updating lahorikhaabay 4 years ago. When I looked through my last saved drafts today, I came across this. A wonderful person I knew a few years ago had written this when I was looking to feature fellow paitu log on lahorikhaabay.

By publishing it now, I’m not sure what I’m doing but I feel that I should. Sara put a lot of effort in writing this and I guess it really captures how Lahoris love food the same way, wherever in the world they are.

You can follow Sara on Twitter – @SupaSaara


Sara I.

“When you’re looking for a good place to eat at, always follow the crowd” – Mamu

You’re never too far from desi dining in London, be it a local Indian take away or an all out Lahore Karahi. Driving down the very desi high street of Tooting, you’ll find a handful of restaurants, each with a long list of why not to eat there but you do it anyway.

For the beginning of the 10+ years I’ve spent in this country, I found myself spending a lot of time, in family gatherings, at this high street. We’d started off at one end and gradually through the years discovered the rest of the high street.

I walk into this little ‘room’ of a restaurant, Desi Khana. This place seems to be overcrowded by goray but is still frequented by the desi families of Tooting. The gora-attraction reason being, this is probably the only place that caters to your choice of ‘curries’, your level of spice and allows you to bring your own drinks! I’m greeted by a young waiter, like most of the others working here, probably a student that’s just arrived from back home, who can’t believe he has to work when all his life naukar cleaned up after him, at the same time thrilled to have found work with his fellow Pakistani/Indian work mates.

desikhana

I’m seated a little towards the open kitchen area. As I sit myself down, my complimentary papad arrives with a choice of raita and mango chutney. I’m not keen on the zeera in my poppadum. You’ll notice how, when you’re hungry, you’ll still be dunking your poppadum in the raita (yoghurt), despite the zeeragetting stuck in your teeth. We give the waiter our order; Karahi Saag Paneer, Karahi gosht, Chilli Chicken and of course, a mixed grill. Let’s not forget the naan. They have a wide variety ranging from chilli and garlic naan, to peshawri and keema naan, not to mention the parathas and the rotis, for the small minority in my social circle.

Drinks are not at the top of my list when I’m prepared for a big meal, tends to fill me up quicker! So I order a coke, and that’s that. We don’t have to wait to long before the food arrives. First the saag and the chicken. The gosht to follow and not long before the mixed grill arrives, sizzling hot. It’s always hard to compose yourself, and not seem pretentious but still attack the food before the good stuffs all gone! I try to be subtle, but it’s not long before dishes are flying everywhere.

There’s a brief pause before the naans come rolling in, hot off the tava. I tend to start with something that looks least tempting, so I can savour the best at the end. Everything looks delicious, I choose to start with the karahi saag paneer (spinach), since paneer is not my first choice. The blend of masalas is just right. I cup my naan and aim for the chicken, mixing it with the saag. So what? I like to mix and match!

desikhana1

You have to be careful not to be too subtle when going for the mix grill. You want to just pounce and grab the chops while they’re still there. Once they’re gone, that’s it. There are never enough chops in any serving of mixed grill. I’m lucky. I get there fast. I’ve learnt well over the years. The chops should be eaten within five minutes of they’re arrival. Although, still very tender if left to cool, always a lot more delicious when eaten hot. Don’t be afraid to add a spoonful of the grilled onions and tomatoes to your plate, that comes with the grill. The grill consists of grilled chops, seekh kebab, chicken tikka , lamb kebab and tandoori wings. Three pieces each except the wings, which has four pieces. The chilli sauce has a tangy flavour to it, goes well with the spicy kebabs, my all time favourites.

I’m making my way to the karahi gosht now, although I can already see there’s not much left to it, so I tip over the whole dish into my plate. If you’re dining with your husband/wife or a couple of friends, the portion sizes will do just fine. However, if dining with a larger group, the karahi dishes will seem too small, so yo’re better off ordering two of your favorite dishes, one for either end of the table. The gosht is really well made, the meat nice and tender, a nice blend of spices, again not too spicy unless you ask for it to be extra spicy, in that case they’ll chop some extra hot green chillies and add them to your karahi.

The choice in sweets isn’t as wide and varied as our food. I tend to avoid sweet dishes from just any restaurant. You have to go to the right places to get nice ras malai and falouda. Most order a Kulfi or falouda after they’ve finished licking and smacking their lips, to get the last bit of flavour out of their teeth.

Dessert arrives in due time. I dig my spoon into the kulfi of the person next to me. Like I said, I can’t have dessert just anywhere, and I don’t like to waste food when I know I won’t be cleaning my plate. The kulfi’s nothing to fuss about. I’ve had better. Chai is not needed this time, as we don’t have a large amount of chai lovers on our trip today.

We pay the bill, not too pricey, and make our way out into the icy cold winds and freezing temperatures of London. We have enough warmth in our bellies to get us to our transports and still be warm and fuzzy.

The Fat Guy Breakfast.

D@ FAT LYF CH0SE M3.

kentuckycurse1

I don’t generally admit it but people who know me IRL, know that I’m fat. And proud. Although I keep telling myself that I don’t have a saggy chest yet, the lifestyle that I enjoy needs to be shared with fellow saggy men (and women). Yall need the encouragement. The urge is just eating at me.

The Fat Guy Breakfast is what ensures I remain in the fabulous shape I am in. You can learn from it and change your life forever.

07:00 – Wake up.

07:30 – Get done with SSS (shit, shave and shower for you filthy casuals)

08:00 – Leave for work

09:30 – LEAVE WORK FOR FAT G BREAKFAST

10:00 – Enter the nearest KFC as soon as they flip the Closed to Open. Order crispy strips. Consume.

10:30 – Back on the road for the fat guy sales job I have.

Rest of the day – Sweet regret.

If I can’t leave work for sweet, beautiful KFC, I order it.

This might seem like your average day too if you know me, as I tend to only know people who have pledged to live by one of the seven sins, but still. CONTRIBUTE. Tell me what YOUR Fat Guy breakfast is and how you go about it. Comment below lol.

Mine is KFC because ah well. Who doesn’t want crispy, spicy pieces of devil’s breast going into your mouth early in the morning. Yeah. YES KFC IS ALSO PUNJABI OKAY I DON’T CARE LAHORIS LOVE CHICKEN OKAY

Bear with me.

Take Me Back?

I can’t really call this a hiatus anymore. It’s been almost 4 years since I wrote anything interesting, or anything at all. Will you guys take me back if I start writing about my first love again? Food of course.

I’m not actually asking for approval though.

Send in suggestions! If you have places in mind that you want me to write about, tell me!

If you want to contribute to my blog on Lahori/desi eateries, anywhere in the world, you’re welcome!

I intend to write smaller posts this time.

This blog shall remain to look like a traditional-scroll-till-you’re-tired blog, for a while though.

Veranda Bistro, Lahore

I’m back. Before saying anything else, let me apologize for the random hiatus from writing. Life has been busy and now that I’m virtually jobless (for a while and by choice hyuk), I have enough time to review a few restaurants. Expect a lot of blog updates in the near future, readers!

Apparently, Verandas Bistro is a restaurant chain in the US. Someone in Lahore came up with an unbelievably creative twist on the name and started Veranda Bistro, Lahore. Yes, a missing ‘s’. I’m pretty sure this isn’t one of the US chain’s branches in Lahore as the one in the US offers casual dining and a wine house. This one in Lahore offers one of the prettiest, ‘fine-dining’ set-ups I’ve come across in my 8 years in this city.

Veranda Bistro, Lahore. Courtesy - Saad Sarfraz Sheikh

My first impression of the place as soon as I arrived here for dinner last week was, “Damn”. The place has one of the most beautiful dining setups in Lahore. The theme is extravagantly classy and is achieved through expensive wood and glass work. And this is just the interior-dining area. The actual ‘veranda’ is even prettier and has this amazing Fire and Water combination theme with wood tables that suit the outside environment, umbrellas and all.

This is not an interior-designing blog though so let’s jump straight to the food. Having talked about the decor even while sitting there with a few friends and an American visitor, we all placed our order. Like always, I try my best to make everyone order something different at a new place so we can try out as much of the full menu as possible. I and Saad Sarfraz Sheikh (a dear friend and an outstanding photographer/journalist) ordered their Chicken Fettuccine, Hassan Qureshi (my best friend since 2002) ordered the Lasagna, Abbas Khattak (friend-having-bro-status-visiting-from-Islamabad) ordered a Lamb combination, the name of which I forget, and our dear gori ordered steak, a T-bone I suppose. Excuse my lack of knowledge on a few orders here. I was sitting far across the table and didn’t have time to focus on everyone’s order or inquire a lot.

Chicken Fettuccine - Saad Sarfraz Sheikh

Keeping it short, the food was below average, shockingly. It’s amazing how such an amazing-looking place, recently opened during a time when restaurants and cafes in Lahore are enjoying healthy competition for a while now, can come up with food that is so..mediocre. The Fettuccine tasted like a concoction produced by combining pasta and several packs of vegetable-flavored Slanty chips. That’s all I could say to describe it and Saad gleefully agreed. The Lasagna? It was served in a 3-inch diameter bowl that looked like the ones we use for baking muffins. To cover up for the ridiculously small serving of lasagna, it had been placed in a huge plate lined with a ruffled table napkin. And the lasagna tasted totally desi – I’ve had better lasagna at desi homes in Lahore actually. The only thing I actually enjoyed on the table was the complimentary bread served as soon as we ordered. Freshly baked, served with garlic-infused olive oil. Bliss.

As I didn’t get the chance to try the Lamb, I asked Abbas about it and he said it was pretty frikkin’ good. Considering though how Abbas is a complete lamb-lover and had failed to find decent lamb on the previous dinner we had at Salt n Pepper Village, I think his opinion was a little biased heh. I asked our gori how the steak was, and she serenaded about how Islamabad sucks and Lahore is where she’s finally gotten some amazing food. That statement is based on prior food-bomb experiences in Islamabad and is a little biased again LOL.

All in all, I think the food experience pretty much bombed for everyone. It was confirmed when we got the cheque- Rs. 12,000 for 7 people who ordered an entree and drink each, no starter or dessert. Sad, sad day for fooding. To save one of the newest additions to Lahore’s Restaurant repertoire however, I want to add that the veranda area is a must-visit if you are between 18-22 years of age and a Shisha-lover. Order their Shisha and some thin-crust pizza, which is NOT a single serving as the server might tell you (serves 3). They might even throw in a complimentary Pomegranate cooler to cheer you up.

Thank you for welcoming me back, readers. Do leave a comment if you agree or disagree with the post. Love. ❤

Summary: Veranda Bistro, Lahore. Great place for classy dining if your pockets are super-heavy and if your food judgment is clouded by previous food-bombing experiences. Must-visit for Shisha and thin-crust pizza.

Dunk Your Tortilla Into My Dip.

Okay. Sorry about the innuendo. But that’s how nachos and dips make me feel. Nachos, tortilla chips, whatever they’re called, I don’t care. Ever since I first had them when I was a kid (when I’d pronounce the word as Tawr-Tillah instead of Torteeyah like it should be done if you’re educated), I became a fan. It took me a while to understand the whole concept behind tortilla chips and dips. For me, roti was supposed to be dipped into Korma and everything else was supposed to be dunked into my cup of chai. I learned well though. I developed a love for tomato salsa and sour cream over the years.

While in Dubai, I’d buy a pack of Doritos and these canned or packaged versions of dips for my tortilla chips. I’ve always wanted to know if there was a simple (read simple and cheaper) way to get hold of dips and all before watching a movie for example. And I came across Palwasha Minhas on twitter. She posted this amazing picture of assorted dips and all. I asked for a recipe for making each one of them and she was generous enough to mail them to me along with the original picture.

This is for you Palwasha. For respecting a fellow foodie. Keep eating!

numnumz.

Guacamole:

6 riped avocados or a cup full of pulp.

1/4 cup freshly squeezed lime juice.

1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice.

4 tomatoes deseed and chop finely

1 medium onion, finely diced.

1 jalapeno pepper, minced (with seeds if desired)

3 garlic cloves, minced.

1 1/4tsp coarse salt.

1/2tsp freshly ground pepper.

1/4 cup chopped fresh coriander leaves.

Mash avocados to get the consistency you want, Stir in remaining ingredients. Adjust seasonings to your tastes.But try to use it as soon as you can or it will start to turn dark.

Tomato Salsa:

4 riped tomatoes chopped.

1/4 cup finely chopped red onions.

2 cloves garlic minced.

1 jalapeno pepper, stemmed, deseeded and sliced.

1/4 cup chopped coriander.

1 tbsp lime juice.

1tbsp apple juice.

2 tsp olive oil.

salt and pepper.

Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and mix

Baked Beans:

1 can of chilli beans mashed.

1/4 cup chopped red onions.

1tbsp hot sauces.

2 garlic cloves minced.

salt and pepper powder.

1/4 cup chopped coriander.

In a large bowl combine all the ingredients and mix.

Sour Cream :

1 cup sour cream.

1tbsp pepper powder.

1/2tsp onion powder.

Combine all the ingredient in a bowl and blend well.

Thank you, readers. Try the recipes actually. They’re pretty simple. Avocado might be a little difficult to find and might only be available at the ‘hip’ shopping places like Essajee’s (HEH) but you can always skip the Guacamole for a while if you want. Do comment!

CTC and Espresso, Lahore – Where Coffee Shops are Diners.

My worst fooding review, yet.

Not that I mind what the title says. I love how when you walk into some of the major coffee shops in Lahore, you’re not only presented with a coffee menu but a full-on food menu having everything from soups and steaks to burgers, sandwiches and wings. I’m not a coffee person. I’m a chai person. I live on chai. When I’m sad, I have doodh patti. When I’m happy, I have masala chai. When I’m meh, I have simple home-made chai. Despite my chai-lurve, I practically live at two of my favorite coffee shops in Lahore. Here’s to CTC and Espresso, coffee places that had a review coming from me but I never got to it.

CTC – Coffee, Tea and Company – Established 2003

My attachment with CTC goes back to 2003 when I was studying for my A-levels and spent a few hours every week at the place. And then to 2006 when I started my Psychology degree. That was before the ridiculous increase in the prices of practically everything at CTC. In those days *distant Bollywood-style look*, you could get a huge cold sandwich at CTC for Rs. 70. You could get a super-loaded pizza slice and their amazing lemon iced-tea, all for Rs. 110 All their cold sandwiches are now priced at around Rs. 250. And a glass of lemon iced-tea now costs Rs. 160. Add a few more rupees for more flavors. Times have changed.

What makes me go back to CTC still is their amazing food menu though. If you’re looking for the biggest and most amazing hot-sandwiches served in baked-in-house bread with a dollop of battered fries and assorted dips to choose from, this is the place to be. Their Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich has become staple food for me. A picture is attached to help your virtual foodgasm. It’s an old picture, I know, but the sandwich is the same. Trust me. o.o

Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich

Other items on the menu that are worth trying:

1. Cannelloni Pasta (Rolled-up pasta stuffed with seasoned chicken, covered with a light, creamy tomatoeish sauce)

2. Chicken Pepper Steak Sandwich (The Lahori favorite *heh* Pepper Steak, in a Sandwich)

3. Chilli Cheese Fries (Fries, loads of cheese, loads of Jalapeno. So addictive that you can’t stop having them and you can’t stop crying because they’re THAT hot)

4. Chicken Quesadilla (4 chicken tortilla wraps served with actually fresh salsa)

5. Try their coffees too. They make a beautiful Cappuccino and their Hot Chocolates are friggin’ rich and a treat during winters. I was never a Starbucks person, so yeah, avoid the over-priced Starbucks menu heh.

What about other items to avoid though? Never, I say NEVER try a steak at CTC. You can try it though if you’re used to having paper-thin pieces of chicken or beef that taste like isphagol. Sorry, couldn’t come up with a blander tasting example. Do NOT try their breakfast. They say they serve bacon. That’s what they call 2 strips of fat on a plate. I wouldn’t pay poop-loads for a plate of eggs and toast in Lahore anyway. No thanks, I don’t want that complimentary glass of Nestle orange juice.

The service at CTC could keep you going back too. They’ve got really friendly waiters who remember your order most of the time and serve with a smile. One of them looks like Saeed Anwar. He’s adorable. One of them, Irfan, left the place and started working as a manager at Yasir Broast, Johar Town (LMAO). One of the managers, Sohail, is a really great guy and always at hand when you need something extra or for suggestions and complaints. You can spot him by his sharp, shiny head and frenchie.

Espresso

Passion Fruit Ice

Ahh, dear Espresso, home is where the tummy is babe, and you, my favorite coffee place, is what I call home. The first time I visited Espresso was around a year ago when they had recently opened up in Lahore after several successful years in Karachi. I immediately filled the form for a Loyalty Card (the card is brown and is sexy) that allows me to accumulate points on it. When I have more than 150 points, I CAN HAZ FREE FOOD. What could be better than that? I’ve had numerous free coffees and drinks at Espresso. One time I redeemed around 800 points. That was bloody amazing.

I love Espresso because of the amazingly cozy feel the place has. The whole theme is brown and the back panel of the whole place is not a wall but a back-lit abstract display that helps light the place, still managing to keep the place dimly-lit, enough so you can watch what you’re eating, not enough to make out. With food or whatever.

Again, I’ve been coming here for the food. Food you must try here:

1. CLT Sandwich (Chicken, Lettuce and Tomato in nice fresh baguette. The chicken is pretty spicy. Coconuts beware heh.)

2. Chicken Alfredo (The famous Alfredo pasta. They make it real good here. Seriously. Served with Garlic Bread). Also try their Chicken Fajita. It comes with dips and tortilla and everything.

3. Passion Fruit Ice (I love this. I simple LOVE this. More probably because it brings back sweet memories ahum. But it is really pretty good. Also try their Strawberry Ice.)

4. Starter Platter (Potato Skins, Chicken Strips, Mozzarella Sticks and Buffalo Wings served with Sour Cream, Cheese Dip and Hot Sauce). This almost totally matches the popular sexy starter platter I had at TGI Fridays in Dubai once. Yes, this is actually that good.

What not to order? NEVER order their Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich. No words for it. Never order the Kiwi Ice.

Ahh that’s it I guess. When I started writing this, I had a lot on my mind. I actually love these places and can be found at either one of them almost every day of the week LOL. But there’s still a lot left to say. I want you people, my readers, to contribute. Comment on what your favorite coffee places are and why. Comment on food or drinks you liked at CTC and Espresso, or whatever.  Comment if you want directions or more information. I’m done here. Eventually, I’d always prefer Caribou if it opened up in Lahore, probably because of all the time I spent there with Sandora. They have the best Chai Tea Latte (heh-fancy-shmancy-name-for-masala-chai-win) and a nostalgic Passion Fruit Green Tea. *drools*

Bye for now. Make fun of my writing skills. Make fun of my blog. I’m not at my regular foodie self today. X|

Shahi Hamam, Lahore – Of Bathing and Dining.

Oh so pretty. o.o

The Shahi Hamam (Royal Bath), an important landmark of ‘Old Lahore’ is located right inside Delhi Gate. It has a small gate as its entrance on the left side, right after you’re inside Delhi Gate, in the Shahi Guzargah (The Royal Passage).

Having lived for years with the pride of having one of the largest fresco works ever, Shahi Hamam, despite its name, was not only for royals to freshen up who’d come in from far-off places like Delhi but was also open to the general public. With a glorious past defined by the architectural genius that Shahi Hamam was/still is, having cold, hot and steam bath options in THAT time, what state the Hamam lies in now is nothing but sad to look at.

Keeping it short, most of the frescoes have been painted on. White. WHITE PAINT. This was done after a mother-loving TV-producer covered the Hamam’s walls with wallpaper for a shoot and ripped it all off after they were done shooting. Smooth, oh Pakistani Producer. Real smooth. Way to respect your heritage for sure.

That said, what is left of the Hamam is taken care of by the TDCP now and they have left it to the most amazing guide you will find in Lahore – Mohammad Azam, who not only is super-polite and extremely well-informed about Walled Lahore’s glorious past but also has an AMAZING voice. At some point during the guided tour, he breaks into song as you lean into one of the pillars of the Hamam to feel the unbelievable acoustic technology the Mughals gave to it. You have to go there to understand what I’m saying. Words won’t do justice to it.

Why am I writing about a public bath on a food blog is because it’s not a bath anymore, obviously, but also because it’s not anywhere close to being renovated into a bath-like building of the past anyway. The TDCP itself announced in 2005 that they were planning to turn the Hamam into a Mughal-themed restaurant. Bad idea, TDCP. What has kept the Hamam in visiting condition til now even after the frightening damage done by the TV-producer is the fact that very few people actually deem the place important enough to visit. Turn it into a restaurant and there we go. Smoke from BBQ grills, splashing cooking oil, the sounds of Taka Tak, Lahori kids using the walls as their personal canvas, ahh hell. I don’t like the picture. Thankfully, the plan hasn’t fallen into place yet.

Back to why I’m writing this. Ironically, as much as I’m against turning the Hamam into a restaurant, I dined there. Yes. After my first visit to the Hamam, I decided to visit Wazir Khan Mosque and Kashmiri Bazaar. On returning from the long walk in the sun, I thought I’ll ask sweet Azam if there’s a clean fooding place nearby apart from the ridiculously priced Cuccoo’s at Heera Mandi. He however, generously pulled up two couches for me and my trip-partner Aarzoo Naeem and ran off somewhere into Old Lahore to get us the most amazing food I had that week:

Actual, unadulterated Naan Chanay (Pakistani baked bread and a Chickpea Curry) served with freshly-cut (crinkled) salad, Raita (Yogurt with salt and pepper) and ice-cold Sprite.

Chanay! Salad! Raita! Slurp.

If not for anything else, I want you all, my readers, to visit Shahi Hamam for Mohammad Azam. He is unbelievably sweet and is so amazing that the Hamam’s guestbook looks like a Fan-book for Azam! It’s filled with comments by people from all over the world (literally), all about Mohammad Azam and his friendliness and guidance.

Do not directly ask him for Naan Chanay though, friends. He is still a TDCP guide. Wait until we turn the Hamam into a restaurant and we may then treat him like our server too. Until then, I’ll laugh at how this post’s title is the exact translation of my blog title. And I didn’t even realize it lulz.

The Three Fishiez – How Lahori Fish Wins

I love writing on a full tummy. It makes me more critical about food. When I’m starved, all food is the same to me and the thought of it makes me happy heh. Right now, I’m full on fish. Fish that I made myself.

While having my home-made fish creation, it struck me how I somehow enjoy Lahori home-made fish a lot more than the other types of fish I’ve tried. Two other fish dishes come to mind that I got the chance to try in the recent past. Yes, I’m critical about food when I’m full but I’m still a little biased towards Lahore. Still, decide for yourself which one of the fish dishes below you’d prefer over the others.

Pla Tod Makham at Lemongrass, Dubai

I had the chance of going out specially for fish with my brother during my visit to Dubai in January. I love fish but am not as big a fan to know of the good places for having fish and my brother made the decision. It was Lemongrass near Lamcy. For a moment I was about to change my mind as Lemongrass was right next to BBQ Delight, a desi restaurant that houses Behari Kabab too but my bro insisted and here I was surrounded by weird fishy smells but in an aesthetically pleasing seating area that made me feel special.

Cutting it short, I ordered the Pla Tod Makham on their Seafood menu (after having some AMAZING Tom Yam soup that had really juicy prawns in it ahhh). I settled for Pla Tod Makham because it was Kingfish. Pakistanis are used to having kingfish a lot. It’s called Surmayee here and is pretty popular among kids too because their ‘fillets’ here usually have just the one big bone in the middle that can be easily pulled out.

My reaction on finishing my fish? I wanted to run away. The tamarind was too, TOO strong and killed any ‘sweet and sour’ taste that I would have expected the fish to have. It was served with boiled veggies that tasted like nothing and were covered by this ball-bearing like fiery green pepper that I DARE you try. I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERF… okay I love Pulp Fiction.

I guess I just ordered the wrong fish. I should have gone for the more subtle Pla Neung Manao which is Red snapper steamed with lemon, chilli and garlic. My bro ordered that. It looked amazing, smelled amazing and TASTED amazing when I tried it. Or maybe it did because I’d just had the worst fish in recent memory. Ahh well. Dh. 44 down the sea heh.

Hammour Fillet with Chips at London Fish & Chips, Ibn Battuta Mall, Dubai

This was during my January visit too during an obscure window-shopping hangout with my bro at Ibn Battuta. We decided to dine at the food court where we could both choose whatever we want to have. He settled for the safer KFC and I decided to try London Fish & Chips. Unfortunately.

I ordered the Hammour Fillet with Chips. I don’t have much to write about it, seriously. It was the blandest fish EVER. And that’s probably an understatement. I’ve never had battered fish that doesn’t taste like any identifiable food. I’ve had better Fish & Chips at Espresso in Lahore! And that’s saying something.

Do NOT try their Hammour. EVER. Go for something else. It’ll probably be better than ANYTHING related to Hammour that this outlet is dealing with. And don’t expect a lot from their chips too.

My Lahori Fried Fish, Lahore

On my last visit to Metro, I bought a few fillets of Queenfish. It’s a tradition in Lahore that one should have fish only during the months that have the letter ‘R’ in them. That leaves May, June, July and August out of the question. There are loads of superstitions surrounding having fish during these months. A post on that later I guess? Damn we’ve made fish R-rated here. =(

Well I decided I’ll have some fish before the R-rated doom hits us and I still have memories of my fish experience in Dubai telling me not to. So I fried the fish myself. I smothered two fillets of queenfish with red-pepper seeds (yes), added some salt and squeezed a lemon over them. That’s it. Then I fried them until they stopped looking like fish fillets. That’s the Lahori way of frying fish. Overcook it until it has no chances of coming back to life heh. And that’s what I did.

I still have the smell of my beautiful fish fillets on my fingers as I type this. It’s wonderful. The red-pepper and lemon were AMAZING. Over-cooked as the fish was, it still tasted pretty amazing with some home-made Choprri hui Roti (buttered Roti. If you don’t know what Roti is, well, umm. Bah.)

That’s my post on my experience with fish. If you’re not a Gora and have had desi fish all your life, do not even TRY something else. You won’t like it. And you’ll end up cursing the fooding places and writing blogs about them.

The Jalapeno Burger of Lahore

Slurp.

The Jalapeno Burger is not a Lahori thing. Writing about non-Lahori Gora food kind of makes me feel like the pseudo-gora person I’m always speaking out against among friends. You know, the popular term “coconut” comes to mind being applied to the Lahori Goras: Bahir se brown, andar se white. Trying not to turn this into a post on racial-slurs, I’ll just mention that the first reason in my memory that made me go against the Lahori-Goras was when I came across this girl at a wedding, Lahore-born and bred, who went all “OMGWTFBBQ” when she was served the Meethi Chutney that comes with Samosay. That was it for me.

Coming back to the Jalapeno Burger (JB). I’ve tried and tried again to find the best-tasting JB in Lahore. Or to at least find something that could qualify as a JB to an extent. I’ve failed miserably at some places but the good news is that I DID find a JB somewhere that I’d actually go back for.

Roaster’s, somewhere near Home Economics College, Gulberg

I’d heard a lot about Roaster’s. Being part of the Arizona Grill chain, Roaster’s has almost the exact same interior as Arizona Grill. Tables, chairs, knives and forks, everything. But it’s amazing how a place mainly advertised through word-of-mouth as one of  the places to be at for good burgers, I was painfully disappointed when I ordered a JB here. The burger was huge, yes, I’ll give it that, but that’s it. I’m actually lost for words when I think of words to bestow the experience with so I’ll just compare it with a home-made keema sandwich aur hari mirch and end this sad section of the post. Note however, I was able to COUNT the Jalapeno peppers in my burgers. There were about 4 of them. And the bun resembled that of Fresh Inn Bakers, Johar Town.

Arizona Grill, Xinhua Mall, Mian Mahmud Ali Kasuri Road

Shockingly, the mother restaurant or whatever you’d call it, a place mainly famous for its steaks and pastas and seafood served me one of the best JBs ever. Totally unlike its sad daughter, Roaster’s. The bun was made in-house and was actually fresh, the beef was actually shaped into a patty unlike Roaster’s, was cooked perfectly and was thick and juicy, a rare occurrence in the life of a person who has chewed on burnt beef tenderloin at Kings n Queens and paid poop-loads for a keema sandwich. The amount of Jalapeno was just amazing. It added an actual kick and totally made my taste buds scream. The cheese (cheddar) was in sweet abundance and the onions were fresh and not bitter. I have to comment on the tomatoes though. What IS with Lahori Gora restaurants and their chefs’ lack of ability to cut tomatoes right? Arizona Grill, Roaster’s, Espresso, I’ve had tomatoes as thick as battered onion rings. God. All in all, I LOVED the JB at Arizona Grill. I hope the fact that Mehreen Ali Kasana paying for me did not influence my decision.

Hardee’s, M.M. Alam Road, Gulberg

Yes! I HAD to try the JB at Hardee’s again. I know, I’ve had Hardee’s for a huge part of my fat childhood in Dubai, munching on curly fries (no, I refuse to call them Crispy Curls, meh) for hours, diving into a double beef slab from heaven, ahh you get the drift. The mere fact that Hardee’s arrived in town was enough for me to forget all other places offering burgers and just choose Hardee’s over anything. I still decided though to try to make a fair comparison between the JBs at Roaster’s, Arizona and here. Hardee’s, oh godly burger-makers, you win by a mile. A kilometer. By the distance Wasim Akram runs in that cigarette nahi peeta ad. By far, simply put. There is no contest, I realize. I will NOT describe the JB (beef or chicken) at Hardee’s. It will make my post too blasphemous for even my liking. I urge every Lahori trying to develop a JB taste to go and frikkin’ try it. That’s it. And if you don’t order curly fries with that, I’ll request God to save that smelliest, filled-with-battered-tomatoes place for you in Hell.

Keep lovin’ food.

My Mom’s Biryani Recipe

I’ve been searching for a good Chicken Biryani Recipe. Do NOT make fun of me. My obsession with food is enough to sit down and note why the most amazing Biryani ever has been part of my family’s diet for years. Here’s the recipe!

Lahori Biryani

Chicken Biryani


The famous Lahori Biryani does not vary a lot from the world famous Hyderabadi Biryani, but comes with a twist, with the dominant taste of onions and the faint punch of lemon juice. Paired with sweet Zarda, classic Lahori style, this promises to be a feast even when dinner is for two.

Biryani

Ingredients

1 Kg Chicken

1 Commercial Cup Yogurt

1 Tbsp Garlic-ginger paste

4 to 5 Green Chilis (chopped)

1 Tbsp Red Chili Powder

½ Tsp Turmeric Powder

1 Tsp Garam Masala Powder

1 Tbsp White Zeera

1 Tbsp Dhaniya Powder

Salt

A small amount of un-powdered Garam Masala

3 Onions

2 Tomatoes

Juice of 2 lemons

1 Cup Cooking Oil

Cinnamon Stick

700g Rice

Preparation

Place Chicken in a bowl. Add all ingredients into the chicken, except Onions, Tomatoes, Cinnamon and Lemon Juice, and set aside to marinade for 2 hours. The Chicken can be cooked right away, but marinating it ‘brings out the taste’ as they say.

Take one cup of Oil in a large pot. Add 3 chopped Onions and cook till they turn light brown. Add the chicken and marinade mixture and mix. Cook for 10 minutes on high heat. Then add 2 chopped tomatoes and the juice of two lemons. Cover the poet and let it cook on low heat, until chicken is done.

Boil Rice (700g) with 1 Tbsp of salt. Add a stick of Cinnamon when boiling. Do NOT over-cook rice. Drain. Add the cooked rice over the chicken mixture in the pot. Do not mix as yet. Put yellow Zarda color and melted butter on top of the rice, cover the pot with a foiled-up lid (preferably), and let it sit on a very low flame. This process is called Dum. After 10 minutes of Dum, the Biryani is ready.

Zarda

Zarda


Ingredients

500g Rice

300g Sugar

4 cloves of Elaichi

20 Kishmish/Mevas

Almonds (peeled and sliced), as many as you like

Dried coconut slices, as many as you like

1 Tsp Zarda color

1 Cup Oil

Take water in a big pot and add 1 Tsp Zarda color. When water is hot, add Rice and boil until half cooked. By this time, the rice must have turned yellow (Zarda color). Take another pot, add 1 cup Oil and heat. Add Elaichi, Almonds and Mevas. Cook until everything turns light brown. Turn off heat. Add sugar and half a cup of water to the pot. Dissolve sugar by mixing. When sugar is dissolved, add the half-cooked rice and mix. Cover with a foiled-lid and cook on medium heat for 5 min (Dum), mix and leave for Dum on low heat for 5 minutes.